---
title: "Own Mistakes and Repair the Social Fabric"
source: "https://virtualddd.com/heuristics/own-mistakes-and-repair-the-social-fabric/"
authors: ["Paul Rayner", "Andrew Harmel-Law", "Kenny Schwegler", "Andrea Magnorsky"]
tags: ["sociotechnical systems", "technical leadership", "facilitating software architecture and design", "conflict management"]
type: "value based heuristics"
question: "When a design or leadership decision inadvertently harms a team member, what is the correct response?"
submitter: "Paul Rayner"
---

# Own Mistakes and Repair the Social Fabric

When you make a mistake, take direct ownership instead of defending your intentions. Offer a genuine apology ('I was wrong') rather than a conditional one ('I'm sorry you feel that way'). Assess the social 'blast radius' and apologize to everyone affected to repair trust with the entire team.

## Examples

After realizing his public code critique caused a developer to quit, the lead apologized directly to the individual. He then apologized to the entire team for misusing his authority and creating a negative environment.